


The Color We Share

by BlossomofFireandRain



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Timelines, And the ghosts they supply, And then gooey newly pale moirails, Dream Bubbles, Emotions, Eridan's POV, Fluff and Angst, Kind of? In a way?, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Self-Harm, Self-Loathing, lots of them - Freeform, reenactment of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-13 00:00:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlossomofFireandRain/pseuds/BlossomofFireandRain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan knows emotions. Emotions make him do stupid things. But perhaps he's not the only one who gets swept up in his emotions and thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Color We Share

**Author's Note:**

> You don't even know how long I've been sitting on this, poking at it. Also, if there's anything not tagged that should be, feel free to let me know.

Emotions have never surprised you.

Some people say, "Oh, I never knew I could feel so much/deeply" and you always yawn a bit, because that's never been something you've thought. You always feel. You go from moments of absolute enjoyment of something to tragic woe in 5 seconds, and you don't understand how other people can't feel that way too.

You used to be worse about it. You'd flip and let your mouth run away with you, let the feelings of the moment drive your words, your actions, and really fuck things up. You never meant to, though. Looking back, you'd always ask yourself, "Wwhy'd I say that? Wwhat wwas I thinkin'?" And then you'd remember that, oh yeah, you were caught up in a emotional shit storm, and let someone have it.

You always regret those moments.

None of your previous explosions can really match the biggest though, none before, and none since. You'd done stupid thing before when you started letting your emotions get away with you, try to flip quadrants when Fef was completely done, try to blackmail her, try.... Try plays into a lot of what you do. But none of it really compares that time.

You're not gonna ever forget how blood played and dripped and splattered from Fef's chest. Heck, you're not ever gonna forget how Sol looked with eyes all blacked out and closed. You'd already been wound tight and tense, determined to live, and determined that this was the way to, but still mixed up about it, and conflicted. How Sol had looked at you, how _Fef_ had looked at you, him like he'd been somewhat expecting this, and her like she really couldn't believe you'd sunk so low, had punched you in the chest, and between the adrenaline and panic, you'd done some really stupid things.

Maybe that's why you always come back to this memory, braced against your arms, trying to breath through the pain in your middle, how you _can't feel your legs-_ but you can see them. And so you spend lots of time here, whatever that counts for in dream bubbles, feeling the leftover trickling of blood, the seeping cold, but it never seems to end, not like it did. You just....stay there, until something in you is satisfied. That you've laid there long enough, and you can go about, trying some more, interacting with other ghosts, and seeing how long you can go before you find yourself back here. 

Maybe you should've expected it would be a Karkat ghost that gets sick of it. You've heard some of the others, and to be fair, they're right. You are a drama queen, you do fling emotions around, and look for a relationship with who ever you can get. You don't tell anyone about the dream though. That's yours, what you deserve, a required consequence for what you did. But for some reason this Kar keeps on coming after you. It's like he's got an internal radar for when you're gonna go off by yourself, and comes to harass you. Not that it's really harassment, just him poking at you, and not giving you a chance to escape. You almost get the feeling that he doesn't _like_ you, but he doesn't want to see you go off and do this anyway.

You're not really sure what you think about that. Yeah, it's nice to be cared about, but it's not really care, is it? Kinda maybe sorta? And you _need_ this. This burns out the feelings, makes you think, and every time you end up back there, you see more and more that you did wrong, and yeah, you screwed up. And while you hate feeling wrong, you hate not knowing this more, so not getting that time is starting to bug you, starting to be an itch under your skin.

It's this that is on your mind when he pops up near you again.

"HEY, DOUCHEBAG, WE'RE GOING TO GO SIT BY THE WATER, IMAGINE US UP SOME"

"Kar, does it havve to be noww?" The itch is bugging you, like just the thinnest line of separation between your two halves.

"YES, IT HAS TO BE _NOW._ I WANT TO TRY PLAYING IN SAND. SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT WAS FUN." His reason falls flat, and you can't really deal with how uncomfortable he looks with this, just spitting out a excuse that would require you, and yeah, you can't deal with this now. You can't.

"I can't. Go get someone else to do it."

And for once you manage to lose him before he can shout out a reason that will draw you back.

You're there. You lay your head on cold metal flooring and listen to the drips behind you, smearing your fingers through plum blood splotches, feeling a self-loathing for a color you once loved.. Your toes are about a foot away from your head, and you reach out a hand and feel along the sole of your shoe, letting the thoughts of disgust ring through you.

_"You caused this You caused this YOU CAUSED THIS!"_

It's painful and unpleasant, but it feels like if you just stay here long enough you can pay for your actions, maybe be able to look at dead eyes without feeling self-blame. You're lost in these thoughts when you feel something touch your back right above the cut-off.

"SO YOU REALLY DO COME BACK HERE........"

Fuck! No no no! This was supposed to be your secret, your punishment, so no one could say you didn't get what you deserved! You whip your head around and stare at him, ignoring the pain this causes, cause hey, you're used to it by now.

"Kar, what the ever-lovin' fuck are you doin' here!? Can't you respect a guy's memories!?" Shame and humiliation is coursing through you, no one was supposed to see you like this!

He ignores your outburst, and taps on your skin thoughtfully, crouched down in a squat.

"WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF? IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE YOU'RE ENJOYING IT."

"Kar! Wwhat the fuck! Go awway!" You are going to lose it. If you weren't currently reenacting bleeding out, you're sure you would be completely flushed in embarrassment. You start trying to remember yourself whole, but between the pain, lack of completion in your little ritual, and frank abject shame, you're having some trouble. 

He stands up and starts pulling at your feet, dragging your legs around, and oh god, you cannot deal. No. No. NO!

"Kar, I swwear to gog, drop them and leavve me alone! I can't hurt you like this, so wwhy are you botherin'!?" The last part may have been a bit of a whine, maybe a little choked, cause doesn't he get it? This is your punishment. This is how you're gonna make it right. Does he have to try and stop you, especially with undeserved, reluctant "help"?

He stops his movements, and comes around to your face. "OKAY, I'LL STOP. IF YOU CAN GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY YOU SHOULD STAY HERE."

You gape. What. It takes a second for your think pan to kick into gear, and you sputter at him. "Wwhy? Because I deservve this, Kar! I'm tryin' to make things right! This is wwhere I got put, so this is wwhere I'll stay until things are better!"

He stares at you like you just tried to speak horrorterror. "THIS IS MAKING THINGS RIGHT!? LAYING IN YOUR OWN BLOOD AND GUTS IS MAKING THINGS RIGHT!? OH MY GOG, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE! IF YOU WANT TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT, GO AND FUCKING TALK TO PEOPLE! TELL THEM! OH MY FUCKING EYE STALKS, WHY WOULD THIS MAKE THINGS RIGHT!? NO, SHUT UP, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT."

He goes back to pulling your legs around, and shoves your pelvis to your waist, and oh gog, that hurts, that makes it that much worse, like you can feel both halves, and they both burn so bad. You're used to how your top half feels, but this is a new level of pain, and you spasm and shake with it. Apparently proximity is a important part in making things work, and your legs twist and pull up to your chest as you cringe and claw at the ground. Kar starts pulling you up even as your memories start to function, and you find the bubble shifting until you're in a hive you don't recognize.

"SIT. " And he shoves you onto a seating platform and leaves the block through a door. You're still shaking and wet faced from leftover pain when he comes back in with two liquid nutrition holders with something clear and tinted in them. "DRINK, AND WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT."

You take the drink with shaky fingers, and stare. Do? You thought you were doing.

"LOOK, LET'S JUST START WITH AN EASY QUESTION. DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU FUCKED THINGS UP?"

"Wwell, duh, Kar." Despite your nonchalant answer, you really don't like where this is going.

"AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT WAS WRONG?"

"Yes, Kar! I get it!" You set the drink down, you're gonna throw it or drop it or break it if you don't.

"THEN GO FUCKING TALK TO PEOPLE AND TELL THEM THAT! LOOK, I'LL EVEN GIVE YOU YOUR LINES! 'I WAS A ASSHOLE AND A DOUCHE BAG, AND SHOULDN'T HAVE KILLED YOU.' IT WON'T FIX STUFF, BUT FUCK! IT'S BETTER THAN WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" He glares at you like he's trying to read your think pan, maybe decipher how you work, and you just want to tell him to give up, you haven't figured it out either.

"Oh yeah, Kar, that's gonna really wwork. Hello, I'm Eridan, and I'm a giant flamin' wwastechute! Wwill you forgive me?" And you tilt and shake your head like you're trying to win a insincerity contest.

"WELL, YEAH, IF YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT IT WON'T WORK!" He rubs his hand on his forehead, then looks up at you again. "OKAY, JUST- JUST TRY WITH ME FIRST, OKAY?"

Maybe it's the situation, maybe it's how long you've sat in your thoughts, maybe it's the fact that your face is already wet from pain, but for once, you just. Speak.

"Kar. I'm sorry I wwas a dumbass. I shouldn't havve killed Fef, Kan, or evven Sol. I wwas a fuckin' idiot and wwas stuck in my owwn head. I shouldn't havve tried to join Jack. And I'm sorry I broke our pact. I wwas a fuckin' asshole I'm sorry." And you don't add the part about forgiveness, cause here's where it falls, here's where he realizes that no, you haven't hurt enough, you haven't done anything, and he's not gonna be able to do it. You don't even look up, because it feels like it will hurt more if you see it on his face before you hear it from him.

"....GOOD. OKAY, UM- UM, LOOK, I'VE GOT ISSUES WITH YOU, OKAY? BUT YEAH, NO, I THINK, MAYBE? WE COULD TRY? I MEAN, YOU MESSED UP, BUT YOU GET IT, AND YOU WEREN'T ALWAYS HORRIBLE ASIDE FROM THAT, SO, I GUESS? I KIND OF FORGIVE YOU? YOU'RE TRYING? AND I WOULD MAYBE....WANT TO BE FRIENDS AGAIN?" The last question floors you, cause....he wants to? He's even asking? After you did all that? And yep, there you go blubbering again. He curses and throws facial sheets at you, and bitches about purple on his seating block, but anything's okay if you can fix things. 

Eventually you end up watching a movie, and while he still looks uncomfortable at times, just the sheer reality of hanging out and _doing something_ with someone else, instead of just watching and hating yourself, and almost hating them cause it hurts, but turning that back on yourself, cause no, you did that, yeah, watching a movie is a lot better.

It takes a while, and Kar has to push you into it, but you do eventually talk to others. Sol snorts at you nasally, and mutters something about believing in change once he sees it, but it's still better than you thought. Kan's surprisingly the one you start to feel most okay with. She shows up at Kar's hive the most often, and while she's distant and reserved for a while, chainsaw buzz buried under her careful words, she seems to relax after a bit. And you? You're just trying your best to keep your mouth zipped. Don't snarl, don't ignore others, try to not focus on yourself, try to listen. And to be fair, you suck at all of it, but those that do tolerate seem to notice and appreciate it, Kan going so far as to share a magazine with you, even while denouncing your fashion tastes.

It's with another movie night on your mind that you head to Kar's hive to relax. You knock for a while, but with no answer, you start to feel worried. He did say now, right? You pace around the hive, looking for another way in, until you finally give up and go look for him else where.

Maybe it's how much you're thinking about him, but you actually manage to stumble into whatever he's thinking. It's the meter again, and you feel yourself starting to itch along the middle just at the sight of the metal. Not far from where you stumbled in, you find him. He looks bad..... Head caved in, hips smashed to bits. "Kar..." you waver, cause what are you supposed to say to the troll you found reenacting their death?

"WHAT- FUCK! AMPORA! GO THE FUCK AWAY!"

He struggles up, and maybe because he's not in two pieces, he gets functional a lot faster than you, and starts trying to run away. Even with your longer legs, you're having to struggle to keep up with him as the bubble changes.

"Kar! Kar, wwait! Wwait!" You stumble on the brick surface, and just barely manage to save yourself before continuing after him. "Kar!" He's oddly silent, shoulders hunched even as the bubble rapidly changes as he searches for a place to hide from you. It's actually another stumble that allows you to get a grasp on his shoulder, and fling him around against a wall.

"KAR! Wwhat the fuck!? Wwhy wwon't you answer me!? Kar?"

He's hunched and hiding his face, but even you can see the red drops dribbling off his chin. Your whole world seems to shatter, and you're scooping him up against you before you even have time to think it through. "Kar. Kar, guppy, wwiggler, no, no." you say as you try to fit his smaller form against yours while you shake. He struggles for a moment, nails dragging at your chest, before giving in and slumping against you, and oh, your vascular pump may break feeling him shaking like that. You stay like that, sunk down next to a wall, as Kar goes to pieces in your lap, and you follow with him. At some point you realize that he's not the only one crying, and you think you may never wash the stains off your skin where your colors mixed.

At some point you realize how sunk you are. You are ruined, you are destroyed, you have never known before how deeply pale could run, and you are gonna get hurt by it. You don't stop anyway, hands wrapped around him like he's the world's boniest cuddle plush. This gonna hurt so bad, you think, watching him, but you don't know how you could ever stop caring, now that you've felt it. Eventually he stops shaking, and you dare a question.

"You gonna tell me wwhat that wwas about?"

He makes a sick little sound, and shakes his head. "SINCE WHEN WERE YOU MY MOIRAIL, ERIDAN?" He pushes at you a bit, but it's all halfhearted, and even you can tell that. You slowly bring a hand up from his back, and carefully settle it into his hair, watching his response closely. He shudders a bit, but leans his head into it, watching you through his lashes, and that's it, no more Eri. He's ruined you forever, your vascular pump has exploded from that little shudder and movement. Before you even think, a little chirp bubbles from your chitinous windhole, the kind you would make to a pity quadrantmate, and you flush and slap your hand over your mouth. He's still watching you carefully, and you want to claw at your skin, cause you've already ruined this. You were trying to not push anyone, not to try for any quadrant, and the moment it's real, you fumble it. You start to push up (You have to get away, you have to go hide yourself in a pile, cause fuck! You just had to do this! Stupid stupid mouth!) and he places a hand on your wrist to stop you.

"WAIT. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HEAR, OR ARE YOU JUST SPEWING HOOFBEAST SHIT FROM YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE?"

This..... You did not expect this..... "W-wwell, yeah, I wwant to hear.... You listened to me......" You slump back down a little. He looks extremely uncomfortable, but he rearranges you both until you're against the wall. With a guarded, yet defiant look, he settles himself back on your lap like he thinks you're gonna push him off, and yes, yes, this is good, you can die happy now. (Oh, wait, you're already dead.)

"AFTER KANAYA CHAINSAWED YOU IN HALF, GAMZEE TRIED TO FINISH UP WHAT HE HAD STARTED, AND I TRIED TO STOP HIM, AND I-! I COULDN'T! I TRIED! AND- AND HE KILLED-!"

You're shooshing and stroking before he can say anymore, your hands trying to sooth him, even as he tries to choke the rest out."

"AND I WASN'T ENOUGH! I JUST- IF I'D JUST- IF I'D JUST BEEN STRONGER! WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT!?"

And you're breaking and tearing down the middle. You don't think you can handle this twice in a row. He's sobbing again, and you're really gonna break, because no, no, this is Kar. This is ridiculous, angry, pissy, screamy, romantic Kar, and he's falling to pieces, and all you can do is rock and shake with him, because you know those words. You know them so well, and you never thought anyone else knew them, and you want to protect him so much from those words. It's intense and overwhelming, and after a while you begin to feel like someone took ground-up shells and debris and sprinkled your orbicular orbs with them. He's finally silent, claws doing a little clench and release number on your shirt, and you do not. Care. If he wants to claw it to pieces, rip it to shreds, he can. If it will make him feel better.......

"You want to go back to my hive?" he mutters all small and forsaken, and yes, yes, you will go anywhere he wants to right now. He shakes and stands up, and it doesn't take much thinking before you're both back in front of his hive, and he hasn't taken his hand out of yours, and you are _so_ okay with that. When he tries to settle you on his seating platform, you resist and go help him find liquid nutrition, and oh fuck! Water tastes so good! You still feel like you're running in a borrowed quadrant, but you dare to wet a cloth and wipe at his eyes when you go back to the entertainment block. He flinches a bit, and he's still looking at you like he's trying to read your thoughts through your cranial plates, but he lets you, and he closes his eyes and hums a but as you try to ease the inflammation from crying.

"I think I'm pale for you."

Whelp, there goes that cloth. You don't even try to fumble after it, just stare at him a bit. "You're wwhat?" You surely didn't hear that right. 

"Pale. Although fuck knows why."

"Kar-" And you choke a bit. Because how do you do this? You'd think being in a moirallegiance before would prepare you for this, but you are completely stumped. (And it's not like it was really a good moirallegiance anyway.....At least not on your part....) "Kar...Wwhy wwould you be pale for me in the first place?"

He looks down at his hands as he fiddles with them, and then seems to straighten out his thoughts and starts out quietly. "Well, you were pathetic on the meteor? But kind of platonic pathetic, and I felt bad for you even you were being a idiot, but then you died, and I died, and I saw you here, and you were just... quiet.... And you'd go off for a while, and then you'd be quieter, and Eridan, that quiet was just weird as fuck.. And you were all twitchy at the same time, and it bothered me, AND I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING, BUT YOU WERE ALWAYS SNEAKING, AND THEN I SAW YOU LAYING IN YOUR BLOOD, AND FUCK! THAT WAS BAD. AND YOU WERE TRYING, AND TRYING, AND YOU TRIED EVERYTHING I SAID, AND YOU WERE SO QUIET, AND I JUST.... I just wanted to help you....." He's curling up again, and your eyes are bigger than nutrition holders. "And I understand if you want to hold out for the real thing..... he's not the bulgefuck I am....." And oh, no, we are not doing crying Kar anymore. You have had your fill, you will not have this.

"Kar.... I'm pale as milk for you.... Wwhy wwould I wwant someone else? I mean, I'm not great at all...I'm a mess...I miss stuff like crazy..... And you say you're pale for me? Wwhy wwould I ever say no?"

And crap, maybe you are doing crying Kar again, but this time he seems?......Happy? Maybe? All you know is he's trying to burrow into your thorax, and you are more than happy to let him, cause it seems he wants you. And That may break you, but in a good way, and you've got your nose in his hair, and he's letting you(!) and you're gonna stay here as long as he lets you. You both slump sideways on the seating block, and this is wonderful, this is great, you have _never_ snuggled like this, and it is _amazing._ He's amazing. Your chitinous windhole is bubbling chirps, and with a stuttering vascular pump beat, you hear him start to chirp back, and you may just pass out right there. 

Eventually you both pass out, but into sleep, and you're not sure how sleeping even works in dream bubbles, but waking up with his hair in your mouth, and the pertinent, delightful, _wonderful_ knowledge that Kar is a snuggler more than makes up for the enormous amount of tear crustys and stains around and in your eyes. His hair's all sweaty and stuck to one side, and he's slightly awkward at first, which makes you feel a bit awkward, but the way he melts into a hug destroys that, and you may never go back to that spot again.

He's intense, and he _feels_ as much as you do, and you want to guard him from himself, and this is more than you ever realized, but for the first time it's a good emotional intensity, and if he'll keep you, you think you'll never leave his side. You can't help but try to snuggle against his back, even as he tries to cook, and he hisses and spits at you, but goes all big-eyed when you start to leave the block, and you are so sunk. You begin to feel that younger you was a complete wiggler, cause you never realized how big really being pale for some was. It's overwhelming, and you're happy to be overwhelmed. You watch him over a nutrition surface, and make gooey eyes at him, and feel the nastiest little bubble inside you pop at the look he gives you. It can't last, you think, but as long as it does, you'll be here.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at NuclearVampire.tumblr.com


End file.
